Never be nice to anyone, ever
Do you ever have random moments in your life where something happens and you suddenly feel very unsafe? There’s nothing like that spidey-sense when the hairs on your arms stand straight up, the back of your neck sends shivers down your spine, and your heart begins to quicken as your mind processes a way to quickly navigate a way out of whatever situation you have found yourself in.
I count myself lucky that these experiences have been few and far between for me, with maybe four instances in my immediate recall. This past Thursday was one of them.
Anyone that knows me well will tell you that I tend to be a bit naive. I tend to be too trusting, and I have gotten myself in a few situations that I am lucky to have escaped. I always look for the best in people and as time has gone on, I have realized the dangers of kindness. Kindness is good, don’t get me wrong, but I've learned to lean on the side of caution.
I remember the time that my sister and I were out visiting some friends and decided to make a late night trip to McDonald’s, and ended up getting cat-called by a car full of creepy dudes in their 20s, who were in the drive thru line behind us. At first I thought it was funny and honestly shook it off, not realizing that the other girls in the car were freaking out. I was too preoccupied with getting our food and making sure our order didn’t get messed up. Apparently one of the guys had mentioned something about us pulling over if we wanted to hang out. I was tired, I didn’t hear him. So I did what I always do after picking up fast food...yup, you guessed it...I pulled over to check my order. It wasn’t until the car behind us pulled up next to us and one of the doors of the car opened that I realized something was wrong...it was either that or my sister screaming at me , “WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!!? JULIE, WHY DID YOU PULL OVER? THEY ARE GETTING OUT! THEY ARE DRUNK!!! DRIVE!!! DRIVE!!!” I couldn’t even tell you if the order was right, because I stopped thinking and started acting. I reversed so fast that I left tire marks all over that McDonald’s parking lot. Three other girls were panicking in my car and I wanted to get them somewhere safe. It wasn’t long before we realized that the car was following us, and we quickly realized the potential menace of this night. I was driving 80 in 45mph zones and they still followed, I ran several res lights and they still found us. It was through prayer and a quick turn into a backstreet that we made it home safely. We weren’t hungry anymore, we just sat in silence, grateful to be alive.
Thursday was a much less traumatizing experience, but it did remind me of the dangers of being a woman. Gas is expensive, and I have the tendency to drive around with my fuel light on until the car starts lagging and I'm sure I can't go any further without stopping to fill up. Thursday was no exception, as I had a few errands to run, and several stores to stop by. I was in a rush to get everything done so I could get home and put everything up, so I frantically searched for the nearest gas station. There's a very small, sketchy, 7-eleven near the Walmart down the street from my apartment that I always try to avoid due to the limited four pumps and the people who always seem to be loitering to sell you something. I started to pull into the station and my brain told me, "this isn't the place, today is the day you get robbed", I ignored the red flag and told myself that it would be a quick gas up and that I always imagined danger.
There's value in trusting your intuition.
I pulled into the station, which was oddly very empty at this particular time. There was a large truck in the pump in front of me, and a black jeep parked on the opposite side of him. Absentminded, I jumped out of my car and started going through the motions of swiping my card, selecting the grade, and pumping the gas. I heard someone talking from the side of the black jeep, but dismissed it as background noise, when I noticed the man in the truck looking at me with extreme concern. The hairs on my arms stood up, when I realized the talking was meant for me and the man in the truck was rolling down his window to silently listen and make eye contact with me to check if I was ok. I clutched my purse a little tighter and noticed a man approaching me from the the side of the black jeep. "Did you hear me? I said, I'll pump your gas for you, pretty little lady", the man leered as he peeked himself around the corner of the pump I was at and quickly looked me up and down. "Um, no thank you, I'm just fine," I quickly responded as I attempted to mask my fear, as the man in the truck quickly drove away, leaving just me and this man alone. "You sure, pretty lady?", the man moved closer into my space. "No thanks". He then walked toward the RedBox kiosk, watching me the entire time. It was then that I realized there was another person still inside of the jeep, who also started trying to talk to me. Panic set in, as I began to realize I didn't really need gas that badly. I cut off the gas and started to close my gas tank when the man at the kiosk noticed my movement and started walking quickly toward me shouting, "HEY, HEY!!!".
He had no reason to talk to me, at all. I've never jumped into my car or locked the door faster, I peeled out of the parking lot, when I looked behind to see the both men jogging toward my car. I cut across traffic and had to pass the station in the opposite direction to get home, and the whole while both men were watching me and laughing.
Maybe to some of you, this story seems like an overreaction. We will never know. What good reason does a stranger have to walk up to someone and offer unwanted advances or conversation; at a gas station?!? If I was a male I wouldn't even think twice about this situation, but as a female this is reality. I have several stories of unwanted comments or advances whilst I was out and about by myself, like the time a man followed me around Walmart and then thanked me for the view as I bent over to grab some razors, or the time a classmate trapped me in the laundry room of my school to sexually harass me. Women are taught to be "nice" to everyone and always smile, but I refuse. Sorry if you think I'm a jerk, I don't honestly care. I am not required to acknowledge any advances, and I do not have to smile in dangerous situations to stroke anyone's ego. Women, NEVER BE NICE to a man making unwanted comments or conversation with you, when you are alone. Be vigilant. Let someone know where you are at all times. I'm not condoning living in fear, but I am insisting on being hyper aware at all times. It's sad to say, but I feel much safer going out and about with my husband. When I told him this story, the color drained from his face as he pondered how dangerous the situation could have potentially been.
Life is beautiful, life is short, we are not guaranteed tomorrow or even our next breath. To everyone reading this (male or female), be safe and extend your life by avoiding potentially dangerous situations. Trust your intuition and feel free to be rude to strangers if red flags are going off for you. It's better to be wrong, and be a jerk for a day in someone's story, than it is to shut off the warnings and end up correct and on the news. If you sense that someone is in danger, don't be the dude in the truck that drives away. Make your presence known, call the authorities if you must. Protect your fellow human. That is all, rant over.
I count myself lucky that these experiences have been few and far between for me, with maybe four instances in my immediate recall. This past Thursday was one of them.
Anyone that knows me well will tell you that I tend to be a bit naive. I tend to be too trusting, and I have gotten myself in a few situations that I am lucky to have escaped. I always look for the best in people and as time has gone on, I have realized the dangers of kindness. Kindness is good, don’t get me wrong, but I've learned to lean on the side of caution.
I remember the time that my sister and I were out visiting some friends and decided to make a late night trip to McDonald’s, and ended up getting cat-called by a car full of creepy dudes in their 20s, who were in the drive thru line behind us. At first I thought it was funny and honestly shook it off, not realizing that the other girls in the car were freaking out. I was too preoccupied with getting our food and making sure our order didn’t get messed up. Apparently one of the guys had mentioned something about us pulling over if we wanted to hang out. I was tired, I didn’t hear him. So I did what I always do after picking up fast food...yup, you guessed it...I pulled over to check my order. It wasn’t until the car behind us pulled up next to us and one of the doors of the car opened that I realized something was wrong...it was either that or my sister screaming at me , “WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!!? JULIE, WHY DID YOU PULL OVER? THEY ARE GETTING OUT! THEY ARE DRUNK!!! DRIVE!!! DRIVE!!!” I couldn’t even tell you if the order was right, because I stopped thinking and started acting. I reversed so fast that I left tire marks all over that McDonald’s parking lot. Three other girls were panicking in my car and I wanted to get them somewhere safe. It wasn’t long before we realized that the car was following us, and we quickly realized the potential menace of this night. I was driving 80 in 45mph zones and they still followed, I ran several res lights and they still found us. It was through prayer and a quick turn into a backstreet that we made it home safely. We weren’t hungry anymore, we just sat in silence, grateful to be alive.
Thursday was a much less traumatizing experience, but it did remind me of the dangers of being a woman. Gas is expensive, and I have the tendency to drive around with my fuel light on until the car starts lagging and I'm sure I can't go any further without stopping to fill up. Thursday was no exception, as I had a few errands to run, and several stores to stop by. I was in a rush to get everything done so I could get home and put everything up, so I frantically searched for the nearest gas station. There's a very small, sketchy, 7-eleven near the Walmart down the street from my apartment that I always try to avoid due to the limited four pumps and the people who always seem to be loitering to sell you something. I started to pull into the station and my brain told me, "this isn't the place, today is the day you get robbed", I ignored the red flag and told myself that it would be a quick gas up and that I always imagined danger.
There's value in trusting your intuition.
I pulled into the station, which was oddly very empty at this particular time. There was a large truck in the pump in front of me, and a black jeep parked on the opposite side of him. Absentminded, I jumped out of my car and started going through the motions of swiping my card, selecting the grade, and pumping the gas. I heard someone talking from the side of the black jeep, but dismissed it as background noise, when I noticed the man in the truck looking at me with extreme concern. The hairs on my arms stood up, when I realized the talking was meant for me and the man in the truck was rolling down his window to silently listen and make eye contact with me to check if I was ok. I clutched my purse a little tighter and noticed a man approaching me from the the side of the black jeep. "Did you hear me? I said, I'll pump your gas for you, pretty little lady", the man leered as he peeked himself around the corner of the pump I was at and quickly looked me up and down. "Um, no thank you, I'm just fine," I quickly responded as I attempted to mask my fear, as the man in the truck quickly drove away, leaving just me and this man alone. "You sure, pretty lady?", the man moved closer into my space. "No thanks". He then walked toward the RedBox kiosk, watching me the entire time. It was then that I realized there was another person still inside of the jeep, who also started trying to talk to me. Panic set in, as I began to realize I didn't really need gas that badly. I cut off the gas and started to close my gas tank when the man at the kiosk noticed my movement and started walking quickly toward me shouting, "HEY, HEY!!!".
He had no reason to talk to me, at all. I've never jumped into my car or locked the door faster, I peeled out of the parking lot, when I looked behind to see the both men jogging toward my car. I cut across traffic and had to pass the station in the opposite direction to get home, and the whole while both men were watching me and laughing.
Maybe to some of you, this story seems like an overreaction. We will never know. What good reason does a stranger have to walk up to someone and offer unwanted advances or conversation; at a gas station?!? If I was a male I wouldn't even think twice about this situation, but as a female this is reality. I have several stories of unwanted comments or advances whilst I was out and about by myself, like the time a man followed me around Walmart and then thanked me for the view as I bent over to grab some razors, or the time a classmate trapped me in the laundry room of my school to sexually harass me. Women are taught to be "nice" to everyone and always smile, but I refuse. Sorry if you think I'm a jerk, I don't honestly care. I am not required to acknowledge any advances, and I do not have to smile in dangerous situations to stroke anyone's ego. Women, NEVER BE NICE to a man making unwanted comments or conversation with you, when you are alone. Be vigilant. Let someone know where you are at all times. I'm not condoning living in fear, but I am insisting on being hyper aware at all times. It's sad to say, but I feel much safer going out and about with my husband. When I told him this story, the color drained from his face as he pondered how dangerous the situation could have potentially been.
Life is beautiful, life is short, we are not guaranteed tomorrow or even our next breath. To everyone reading this (male or female), be safe and extend your life by avoiding potentially dangerous situations. Trust your intuition and feel free to be rude to strangers if red flags are going off for you. It's better to be wrong, and be a jerk for a day in someone's story, than it is to shut off the warnings and end up correct and on the news. If you sense that someone is in danger, don't be the dude in the truck that drives away. Make your presence known, call the authorities if you must. Protect your fellow human. That is all, rant over.
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